Thursday, April 20, 2006

That Damn Spam!

Alright, so, everyday I come into work and check my email, and there’s always something like an 8 to 1 spam to real email ratio. I know that that’s just the way it is these days. But, really, someone’s gotta fucking do something about this. Last week I got a spam that, according to the header, I sent to myself! That’s just wrong!

I got another one today offering “Best Financial Market Trader Picks” from a Mr. Rusty Butts. Who the fuck would take financial advice from some one with a name like Rusty Butts, fer crissakes!?!?

Then there’s the people selling Viagra and dick enlargers and all that shit. These have really gone downhill. They used to come on to you all sexy like, “impress your gal with your new stamina, blah blah, etc.” Then, they started getting all weird, saying stuff like “Scare the bitches with your HUUUGE frightening cock!” Ugh. Now, the latest sales pitch seeks to belittle you “Ashamed of your tiny little limp dick?” Now, why the fuck would ANYONE buy something from someone who’s making fun of your problems. Geeze, the old – “Hey big boy, wanna be even bigger?” ones used to bother me, but I’d take them over the current shit they’re sending these days.

I mean, really, put some fucking effort into it, goddamn, it! There was a time when spam was carefully crafted to look like real email: a plausible name, an enticing subject line, a beginning sentence that made it sound like it was from a business associate, a long lost friend, or maybe that chick at the bar the other week whose name you didn’t get. Not now, nope. They just slap ‘em together and send ‘em out. That’s outsourcing for ya. You just know that most of the spam coming in is from overseas cybersweatshops; it shows in the inferior quality. Back when Clinton was president you didn't have this shit happening! Fucking Bush, he fucks up everything. And Wal-Mart. I just know Wal-Mart has something to do with this.

On the other hand, the Nigerian bank scam faxes coming into the office have been getting better. They have a real-looking Bank of Africa logo on ‘em, good spelling, a nice font, professional sounding language. It’s good to see some real craftsmanship out there. It gives me hope for the future.

2 Comments:

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